Four Less

Our foster children have gone home - reunited with their parents.  They have been with us almost 5 months and to say that we have grown attached to them is an understatement.  We love them and care deeply for them and their absence is a great loss.  We have seen the baby learn to smile and laugh and sit and crawl and eat cereal.  And we have seen many firsts as well with the older kids.  They were both a challenge and a joy.  Our home is eerily quiet without them here.  People tell us (and all other foster parents) that they could not foster becaue they would get attached.  Well, that is kind of the deal.  That is one of the sacrifices of fostering.  You hurt for the kids.  You pray for the kids and their safety.  You get attached.  You laugh with them and you cry with them.  It is painful.  We have cried many tears and I am pretty sure, even though they wanted to go home, the kids have some pain in the separation as well.  But the kids are worth all of it.  They deserve someone to love them while their family pulls it together.  We did our best for them while they were with us and now we will pray for them - that they will be safe and loved and well cared for and that someone will continue to tell them how special they are.
The kids were gone from our home 24 hours ago.  We have gotten two calls asking us to take two different placements in that time.  Two sibling groups who need someone to care.  Our extra beds are still warm and we could have them full again tonight.  The need for more foster parents is so great.  The process to get licensed is excruciating and frustrating....but the kids are worth it.  The process of dealing with all the extra people who are suddenly thrust into your life (social workers, case workers, therapists, doctors, etc.) will try your desire for privacy and your patience.  But these kids need someone.  They have done nothing to be in the position of being without a home and parents.  They are innocent in the train wreck that is their lives.  Their stories are heart breaking.  If any of these kids were standing on your door step and telling you their story, I think most of you would scoop that child up and bring them in and care for them.  Well, these kids are standing on the doorsteps of our communities.  They have no voice to ask for help.  Yet they need it desperately.  Your age (as long as you are over 21), your marital status, and your wealth or lack thereof do not matter.  Do you have running water?  Do you have electricity?  Do you have the ability to provide a bed and food?  The requirements are pretty basic and believe it or not, the kids will be so excited to have these very basic things.
I try not to write, for public consumption anyway, when I am so emotional.  But this is too important to sugar coat or file away.  I see it every week.  I hear it every week.  There are kids who need you.


P.S.  I want so badly to include scripture but do not want to appear to be any more on my soapbox than I already do.  It does not take much searching of scripture to see how important the weak and vulnerable are to God.  He cares about these kids with no voice.  He expects us to be that voice.  We are instructed to be imitators of  Him.  I think He is grieved as these kids are sent to group homes instead of into Christian families.  It is our responsibility as Christians to take care of the least of these.

Summer, 2014

I have not blogged since May - since I posted about Radik - because it has been very hard to write about the fact that no families have moved forward with adopting him.  Even though it was a long shot, when the blog views got up to 2000, my hopes went up as well and it is hard to accept the fact that our efforts did not work.  It is too late for anyone from the U.S. to adopt him but Canadian citizens still have time.  So if you know of anyone in Canada who is considering adoption, please feel free to pass along Radik's information or put them in touch with me.

Then of course, we have also been very very busy, which has left me little time to blog.  We have had a foster placement of 4 siblings which has given us 7 children, 11 years old down to a few months old, under our roof.  It has been quite an adjustment but adjust we have and we are really enjoying the kids. We have done camps and VBS and swim lessons (for 6 of the 7 kids) and doctor's appointments and therapy appointments and social worker appointments.  I have had help in the form of a college student named Kasy and she has made it all possible.  The kids love her and I love her and it has been great. But it has been the busiest summer of our life!

Benjamin is doing amazingly well.  He is so happy and really loves being here.  We are squeezing in school work where we can and he continues to do well in school.  Every single time we finish, he says, "Thank you mama for school."  The.  Sweetest.  Thing.  Ever.  He learned to swim in no time and loves going to the pool.  He says, "I no have fun like this in Pishanna."  Such a funny kid.  What is not funny is that we were looking at pictures tonight from when we first met him.  He looks so afraid in the earliest pictures and I commented on how scared he looked.  I have heard this from so many adoptive families but it was still a shock to hear it come out of his mouth.  He said, "People told me American parents would kill me." He said he thought about it and decided, "That is not true."  What courage and bravery it must have taken for him to come with us.  We are very grateful for his courage.

Jocelyn and Ellie Grace have also had a great summer.  They have really enjoyed having girls in our home that are their ages.  They play and play and just love our fosters.  I wish I could post pictures of all of them together - but alas, it is very against foster care rules!

Our pastor preached a sermon a month or so ago that I have not been able to get out of my head.  It included the story of Jacob and Esau which we have all heard a thousand times.  But he had a different twist on it and was so very thought provoking.  He referenced an Andy Stanley sermon which I am including a link to below.  We all know that Esau sold his birthright for a bowl of stew and I think we all wonder what in the world he could have been thinking.  The birthright is a huge thing to sell for such an inconsequential bowl of stew.  How could he have done that?!  Yet so many of us do that every day.  Our birthright is eternity with God in heaven.  Yet we trade it for what....an unimportant, inconsequential bowl of stew.  What is your bowl of stew?  The sermon is incredible and very worth watching.







Now for a few pics:

We are so very blessed.

10 Days

We first met Benjamin/Sasha at his orphanage about 8 months ago.  We have been home with him for about 5 months.  This picture is from the very first day that we met him in Pishanna.

I think the fear and uncertainty are pretty clearly written all over his face.  We were strangers telling him we wanted to take him to a new country, a new culture, with new food and a new language.  We were offering him a family - something completely new to him.  Yet he wanted it badly enough, he stepped out in faith and came with us.  This is a picture of him from a few days ago....a mere 8 months later.

He has fully embraced his new life and his new family.  He loves being in the U.S., loves our food, loves our family, and is a very happy boy.  He talks all the time.  He makes jokes all the time.  Look for yourself at the difference the love of a family can make in a child.  He does not even look like the same kid to me.  I asked him today why he was so quiet at his orphanage.  He said, "Because there were so many people there."  He is blossoming and growing in his family now.  It is natural to crave family.  It is God's plan for children to have family.  Sasha wanted a family.  And he is so happy.  He thanks me for teaching him.  He thanks me for doing his laundry.  He thanks me for meals - he says, "Very very good!" It is not all perfect by any means, but a deep longing in him has been fulfilled.

There is another boy who was a classmate and friend of Benjamin's named Radik.  We met him while we were at Pishanna and were able to spend some time with him.   He is a special boy who is almost always smiling and enjoys interacting with people.  Over the last few years Radik has watched as several of his friends and classmates have been adopted.  He often talks about his desire to have a family too.  But, his time is running out.  Radik's 16th birthday is May 24th.  In Ukraine, children age out of the orphanage system at 16.  They leave their orphanage and are expected to find their way in the world.  The vast majority of the boys end up addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, in jail, or dead within a few years.  It is their stark reality.  Radik needs a family to begin the process to adopt him before his birthday.  10 days.  We need to find someone in 10 days.  Please pray for this miracle for Radik!  For more information about him and what it would take to adopt him please contact me.

I have never in the life of this blog, asked anyone to share it.  Today, I do.  We need to get the word out to as many people as possible.  We never know who in our circle of friends may be feeling the call to adopt and time is running out for Radik.  10 days.  Through God, all things are possible.  10 days.  Please share if you are able.

Normal?

What a week last week was!  I find I keep saying that, week after week.  Perhaps that is our new normal?  .Last week, a tornado swept through our area and while we did not receive any damage to our home, it did take out our electricity from Monday evening until late Wednesday night.   Typing that makes it sound like not such a long time, but it was long enough to make us realize how dependent we are upon electricity.  With 9 people living in our home, that is 2 long days with no laundry, no air conditioning, no tv (which I actually enjoyed!), heating water for baths, juggling preparing meals with no oven, no dishwasher to help with clean up, and no refrigerator or freezer.  Fortunately, we had people store our freezer foods for us and we ate or lost all of our refrigerator food.  The kids all piled into the living room at night to sleep because they were scared of the complete dark that was our street for those nights.  Today while at our pediatrician's office she learned of our new additions and asked in jest if they were all sleeping on the floor.  Our 4 year old fd said, "Only when the lights do not work."  :)  I am hoping that Dr. VanNorman knows us well enough to know that we do indeed have electricity and put it together that we lost power after the storm.  While juggling 5 kids in her office, it was not worth the effort to explain it to her!  Anyway, we made it through and are all just fine.  We continue to pray for those who lost their homes and are trying to recover from the storms.

Now, we are partially into this week and again I am thinking, "What a week!"  I am packing for 7 kids to go away for a long weekend, moving an eighth child home from college, loading a U-Haul with furniture to take to a ninth kid and his soon-to-be wife, and trying to breathe and do school as well.  We absolutely could not do it all without so much help.  Two precious young ladies found out I was going to Starkville with 5 of our kiddos to move Caroline home and offered to come over and keep the kids AND bring lunch for the day so I can go alone.  Really - like all day.  We could not have better help!  We originally had 3 bicycles for 7 kids to share, and after a question I put on facebook about looking for some used bikes, we now have a bicycle for each child.  It is amazing.  It is one of their favorite things to do and it will involve much less refereeing by me now that they each have their own.  Someone else brought us diapers and groceries on Sunday and someone I had never met came up to me in church and gave us a check to help cover the costs of the girls' clothes they need.  All of these things really add up and make us and the kids feel so blessed.

I never ever want to paint an unrealistic fairy tale picture of what it is like to care for kids from hard pasts.  I just want to say that having the help of your church family and community makes it so much easier and more doable.  Thank you notes are something that have fallen by the wayside for now unfortunately.  But truly - thanks....to all of you.  And if you know someone who is fostering or adopting, reach out to them!  You will never know how much it means to them.

On a Lighter Note

In addition to some heavy stuff over the past few weeks, which I blogged about a few days ago, we have also had some fun.  The kids loved dyeing eggs and hunting them.

And today we had a great time at 200 Million Flowers' 5K for the Fatherless.  The kids all did the one mile fun run, jumped in the bouncy house, and just enjoyed themselves.  There were some great volunteers there (thanks Alex and Kasy!) who watched the baby while we tried to manage the other kids.  Carlie and her boyfriend, Ethan, did the run with the kids so we could take pictures and cheer them on.

One of our new girls is also 7 years old (like Jocelyn) and they are inseparable.  Hence, no pictures of Jocelyn that we can post.

I was talking to a friend on our way out and so fell behind a little  As I caught up, it was a great opportunity to get a shot of our family.....all 10 of them.

After the race, we took everyone to Krispy Kreme as a treat.  It was a first for 5 of them and was fun to watch them watch the donuts being made.   The kids are all outside playing in the sprinkler while Carlie and Ethan do some yard work for us.  They have offered to keep the kids tonight so we can go out for some much needed kid-free time.  Big kids are the greatest!

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders

We debated about whether to talk publicly about FASD and decided if it were any other disability, we would not hesitate talking about it.  I for one would love to find other blogs discussing it.  It will be, after all, a factor for the rest of our lives.

Most people with FASD will never lead completely independent lives.  Many adults can not function without very close supervision.  Most people with it are developmentally 1/2 of their chronological age.   They have frontal lobe brain damage.

As it turns out, 3 of our 3 adopted children, have FASD.  We have suspected it in Jocelyn for a while, and now we know that all three of our precious littles have been affected by prenatal alcohol exposure.  They did not do a thing - they did nothing to bring it on themselves.  It is completely a decision made by others.  Yet it is something they will live with for the rest of their lives. The more I learn about it, the more my heart breaks for them.  I am participating in an 8 week webinar on FASD and learning so much.  We once thought it was so precious that our 5 month old biracial baby (caucasian/aa) had Asian eyes.  Now we know it was a sign of FASD.  We thought our 4 year old's precious lips were so beautiful....another sign of FASD.  Their precious faces - telling us of issues to come.  We hear, "They will be seen as being a problem rather than having a problem."  Our hearts break.  It is a disability unseen.  They are not blind.  They are not deaf.  There is no wheel chair.  Their brains are impaired...plain and simple.  It is not a matter of they 'will not.'  They 'can not.'  So many possible diagnoses that now all flow back to FASD.  So many years of searching for answers and now we are finally seeing some answers that make so much sense.

An example of raising a child with FASD that we were given:  if a blind child is beaten for not reading the blackboard...then the child still can not read the blackboard and now is angry and bitter and confused and will act out.  That is how a child with FASD feels when we have expectations of them like we would a 'normal' child.  We are totally revamping our parenting style, altering our expectations,  and still have so much to learn.

FASD is the leading cause of developmental delays in the western world.  Yet about 90% of cases are not diagnosed.  We need to raise awareness.  I think the stats say that 80% of women drink alcohol and about 25% of pregnancies are unplanned.  So many, many more children are affected than their mother's ever admit to drinking during their pregnancies.

It would be easy to give in to the hopelessness of the situation, but we remember that God is in control. He loves our children even more than we do.  "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah 29:11.  This is my prayer for our children.

5 Weeks In

We are still hanging on.  Just when we think we can not continue with this placement, someone steps forward with just the encouragement that we need to keep us going.  Our sweet friend Jessi has brought us meals and games and treats for the kids.  Thoughtful things like cookies to decorate and an Easter book and detergent.  Another friend, Jamie, has come over to help out with the kids.  A church, North Ridge Church in Jackson, sent a team Sunday to mow our yard and clean our house.  We leave for church with everything being a wreck, and come home to everything being spotless.  They even did some laundry!  It was amazing.  And 5 weeks in, we have yet to have to buy diapers for the baby.  Our friend, Paula, bought Easter shoes for all of the girls and clothes for the kids.  Our friend, Jane, helped with the birthday party for one of the girls.  Someone at church on Sunday, whom I do not even know, came up to me with a check to help offset the expenses that come with 5 extra kids.  I can not begin to list everything that God's church is doing to help with these kids.  We are so very grateful and moved.  It just blows us away.  We truly have a community pitching in to help with the kids - and it is not going unnoticed by the girls.  Even though they are kids, they are asking why people care and why people are helping us.  It has made for some great conversations about God's love.  Having 8 kids in the house is very challenging and having 8 kids in the house who have experienced loss and trauma is the hardest thing we have ever done.  Most days, this is how Scott and I feel at the end of the day.  But you are all making it doable.

Sweet Jocelyn is loving having new friends, but is exhausted after a day of play!

Some things are getting easier.  Like one of the girls is playing basketball.  I wish I could show clips of her on the court.  Her face is pure happiness the entire time, not something we see in her in other situations.  Then another one, who refused to even help fold clothes 5 weeks ago, helped clean her room, dusted, swept, mopped, and helped serve a meal to the other children all just this past weekend.  A huge turn around.  Another is slowly learning kindness and manners.  Another gave me a quick peck on the cheek tonight - a first for her to initiate affection.  Another sang along with the music in church for the first time.  Beneath it all is still hurt, and we continue to pray for healing for all of them.

Benjamin has had a few hard days.  Things we are slowly working through but still it is hard to see him struggle with new feelings and restrictions.  Most days, he continues to be a joy.  Today I found him sitting on his bike in the driveway.  I asked what he was doing and he said he was waiting on the girls to get home from school.  Even though it is chaotic with them here, he is enjoying them being around.

Jocelyn is learning a great deal about interacting with her peers, something she has not had much experience with so far.  I think it is a period of growth and learning for her.  We have an appointment with a geneticist tomorrow to start getting to the root of some of her issues.  We could all use some prayer covering our Jocelyn.

Ellie Grace has come a long way in learning to share in the past 5 weeks.  In the beginning, she spent a great deal of time in tears and now, rarely cries over someone playing with her things.  She is so secure with her place in our family - there are no doubts in her mind where she belongs.

We can not all fit into either of our vehicles so we have been taking two whenever we all go somewhere.  This past weekend, we all went (together for the first time thanks to our church loaning us the church van) to a picnic and Easter egg hunt put on by Bethany Christian Services for adoptive and foster families.  The kids all had a great time.  They had their faces painted, rode horses (over and over!), hunted eggs, and had a great lunch.  I wish I could post pictures but there are strict rules about not posting photographs of foster children in order to protect their privacy.  If I could, they would guarantee to make you smile.  :)

So here are a few of the kids we can post pics of:


Ellie Grace having fun in the puddles after all the rain we have had.

Jocelyn with her Ali Kat on her spring break.

Benjamin has mastered his bicycle and absolutely loves it.

Thanks to all of you for being our support network.  Without you, we would have thrown in the towel by now.  We appreciate all of your prayers and the meals and your love and the paper products!

One more that I can not resist posting...

 God's light is shining brightly through you.