A Week of Good Things

We had a week of many highlights this past week.  All things that might seem insignificant to most families, but to ours, they are huge.  Jocelyn struggles to learn and we have worked on her writing for a couple of years.  This week, she finally shifted her 3's to the upright position.  After hundreds of attempts and always writing them like an m, she has caught on!  She also struggles to express her thoughts and one day I could tell she was deep in thought.  I asked her what she was thinking and she said, "I am thinking that my family loves me."  Such a precious girl.

                                                                 Just look at this 3!

One day I could tell Benjamin was a little downcast and I asked if he was ok.  He said yes, as he always does.  So I asked if he was sad and he said, "A little."  I asked him if he was missing Ukraine (He has not once expressed sadness over Ukraine but I could not think of anything that had happened that he could be sad over.).  He said, "No,  I sad I am hungry."  So he got some food immediately and praise for being able to tell me that.  It is very hard for most kids from hard backgrounds to identify feelings and to express them so I was very happy that he was able to tell me that.

Two weeks ago, it seemed like Benjamin and Jocelyn were arguing endlessly.  I had finally had it with being their constant mediator so I told them we would just do more school when they could not get along.  They are always happy while we are sitting at the table working and if that is what it takes to keep the peace, I am content to do it all day!  Well this week, they have been as happy as can be.  Any time a small issue comes up, they immediately look at me and declare, "No fussing, no more school!"  It is still not perfect, but they are playing much better together.

                                               Aren't they the picture of happiness. (haha)

Today is the anniversary of when we picked up the girls four years ago.  Since Benjamin has been home, it has sparked many more conversations with the girls about how they came to be a part of our family.  Since we were in Jackson this afternoon, we went by the places where we picked up each of them and talked about what it was like four years ago.  They both seemed very happy to hear the story in the actual places it all started.

Our church's missions minister takes a team once a month to Mississippi Children's Home to lead worship with the kids there.  We went with them several times last year but had not gone with them since Benjamin has been home.  We hesitated to take him this soon but we thought he might just think it was a different church.  Towards the end though, Benjamin was putting it all together and asking lots of questions.  I guess a kid recognizes what he has grown up in.  At Christmas, he was confused as we tried to explain getting gifts together for area foster children.  I think he believed that we have no kids in America without parents or families to take care of them.  He was very serious-faced when he started whispering to me asking if this place was an "internaut" (orphanage).  I did my best to explain that the children's families could not care for them right now so they are living at MCH.  He asked if they slept there, if they ate there, if they went to school there, and on and on.  He asked if the same missionaries who came to his orphanage in Ukraine came to MCH too.  Finally he said, "This Pishanna," very matter of factly.  It is obvious there were lots of emotions going on as he continued asking questions.  But isn't his bewilderment that we have a need for such a place right here in America how we all should feel?

Happy Birthday Ellie Grace

Four years ago today a precious baby girl was born.  We got a phone call telling us a baby was being born who was going to need a temporary home.  We were asked if we would consider taking her and her 3 1/2 year old sister.  We are licensed as a therapeutic foster home and the baby girl was considered special needs.  Other families passed on taking the girls for a variety of reasons and when we were the next in line, we said yes.  Four years later that baby girl is perfectly healthy with no special needs.  I can not imagine the love and joy we would have missed out on if we had said no.  She is spunky, sweet, precocious, precious, and brings our entire family so much happiness.  We are very happy to call her our daughter now.  We love you Ellie Grace!

What a precious gift from God.  It is not possible for us to love her more.  Happy happy birthday.

Outreach

We have been so blessed over the past few months by people reaching out to us and providing us with meals, childcare, encouraging notes and books, cleaning our house, and on and on.  There is something about people expressing their love through serving you that is so incredibly humbling.  We can not even begin to express our gratitude for our church family and our friends and Scott's co-workers.  Then today, while we were at church,  Northridge Church in Jackson, had a team come to our house, rake our leaves and pick up a tree that has been down in our yard for about a year.  They take one Sunday a month to go out and serve someone and this month, their focus was on adoptive/foster families.  It is so touching and moving that they would choose to come help us so we can spend that time focusing on our family.  When you adopt a child, it really is like coming home with a newborn.  There is intensive time needed to focus on integrating that child into your family.  Time that takes away from everyday things that need to be done.  Adjustments have to be made and schedules tweaked.  We are so grateful to Northridge Church and to everyone else who has made our life a little easier by reaching out to us in the past few months.  Thank you.  What an example all of you are to us.


Here is the pile of leaves they ended up with and it is just as deep as it is wide in this shot!

Hunger

Benjamin loves to eat and he loves food.  When he first came to us, he gobbled down his food and asked to be excused.  Now he has learned our way of sitting and visiting and eating as we talk.  He soaks in the family time.  He hangs out at the dinner table.  The amount of food that it takes to fill him up at any one meal is at least double what I saw him served at meals in his orphanage, if not triple.  He has told me several times, "Benjamin hungry in Pishanna.  Benjamin full in America."  It hurts my heart to think of him going hungry but reminds me of a quote from Mother Teresa, "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."  Watching first hand how Benjamin is blossoming just by being loved, wanted, in a family, is proof how we all so need to be wanted and loved as human beings.  I think if Benjamin could express it, he would say the same thing.  It was a great hunger within him.  He is slowly filling himself on our love and he is thriving.

God did not create us to be alone.  He did not intend for children to not have a family.  There are so many other children who need homes, who need families.  When I look back through our pictures of our time at the orphanage, the kids' faces tear at my heart.  So many of them long for a family.  When I hear of the 3 day old baby girl who is HIV exposed here in the U.S. and needs a foster family, it hurts me deeply.  Imagine how our God feels.  I can only imagine He is so disappointed in us that there are still kids out there without parents.  We as a church are rising up but we need to do more.  One of the verses our kids are memorizing is, "Defend the poor and fatherless..."  Psalm 82:3.  To hear a former orphan say that is heart wrenching.

The vast majority of kids who age out of their orphanage in Ukraine will die, be in jail, or turn to prostitution within a couple of years.....which means before they even turn 20.  And the numbers are almost the same for kids who age out of the U.S. foster care system without a family.  It simply is not acceptable.

I am in remission from cancer right now, but the statistics give me a 65 - 70% of recurrence in a major organ or organs within the next 3 years.  Then the stats just get scarier.  Even so, I have a better chance of being alive when this sweet boy's 20th birthday rolls around than he does.  That is just so hard for me to accept.

And this precious boy...

And this sweet angel....

The pictures could go on and on of children who need someone to care.  These happen to be kids I have held and hugged and shared my gum and chapstick and lotion with (and anything else I happened to have), so they have imprinted on my heart.  But there are kids all over, in Ukraine, in Africa, and yes, even here in the U.S.  They need us to feed their hunger for love, their hunger to be known, their hunger to be wanted.

If not us, then who?  Throughout scripture, we see that God cares about the hungry, the poor, the fatherless, and the widow.  Over and over again.  We are also commanded to be imitators of God (Ephesians 5:1).  It is important and it matters.  And it has eternal value.  What could be more important?

Our Week in a Nutshell

We have been home 8 weeks now.  This past week had many good days.  Last Monday, we went to Starkville to see Carlie at MSU.  The kids got to see her dorm and her room and she showed all of us around campus.  We were able to have lunch all together and just had a good time visiting with her.  The little kids loved seeing Carlie and sacked out on our way home.

Then on Saturday, we made a day trip to Birmingham, Alabama to visit with a family who adopted two children from Benjamin's orphanage in 2009.  The kids are older than Benjamin but at this particular orphanage where they were, the kids who have families go home on the weekends leaving the true orphans to spend their weekends together.  So they all remembered each other and Benjamin really enjoyed seeing them. He asked on our way home if they can come see us in Mississippi now.  It was a great day and he seems really happy that we went.  While we were there, the family was able to show us many pictures of a much younger Benjamin and their son even found a printed picture of him when he was either an older 6 or a young 7 year old.  I just love it!

Benjamin with Kolya and Christina

The whole crew.....well kind of....Kolya, Benjamin, Ellie Grace, Christina, and Jocelyn
(the older 8 siblings were mia)

People ask us if things are really going well and overall, it really is good.  I have been reflecting on the past few years and I think the first year we had Jocelyn and Ellie Grace was a harder year for us than it has been so far having Benjamin home.  It makes me wonder if part of the difficulty in adoption is the transition of bringing a new, non-infant, human being into your home and family and life.  24/7.  It was hard figuring out what made Jocelyn tick, what made her happy, what made her sad, why she thought the way she did, and why she behaved the way she did.  I had many teary days dealing with the frustration and difficulty of it all.  I learned many techniques to use with children from hard places and that parenting a child who had a hard background was completely and totally different from parenting a child who has been loved and nurtured and cared for since birth.  All of this experience is softening the upheaval of bringing another child into our home.  And, of course,  he is a really good kid which also helps a lot.  :)  It has been very interesting how Benjamin being here has raised questions and discussions with Jocelyn about memories of her early life that I did not even know she had.  He has questions of when and how the little girls came into our family and I guess that is spurring her thoughts.  We are praying for grace and wisdom in helping our little ones heal from their hard start in life and we are praying for all the others who do not yet have a family to call their own.  We know God is able.

Family of Five

The last week, as a whole, has been shaky.  We anticipated it being a little difficult since it was the first week with all our big kids gone.  The littles all really enjoyed the bigs being home over Christmas break and it is always hard on Jocelyn when they leave again and it was a new experience for Benjamin to have them all leave.  Monday and Tuesday were trying days but Wednesday and today have been much better.  We are officially a family of five again (at home anyway) and it is awfully quiet.
It has, however, been really good for the three littles.   They are forced to play together, or alone - which none of them want, so they are learning to navigate their new relationships.  A sibling bond is not something that is instant so we are enjoying watching them build it day by day.


We had Benjamin's first visit to the Apple Store this week.  He was in heaven!

All of them love Scott reading to them at bedtime.

Today they had a good time building with some blocks and then knocking down their creations.

It is very rare that I see one of them without the other two.  They just shift from activity to activity all together.  It is really very sweet even though it increases the times I really would like for them all to go to their separate corners!

P.S.  In school, I was flipping through some everyday objects flashcards with all of them and Benjamin got more of them correct in English than either of the girls - who have always lived in the U.S.  He continues to amaze me with his learning!  And when we were talking about the sound c makes and listing off words that start with c, he listed off 5 or 6 words right off the top of his head - in English.  "Carrots, cake, cookies, candy, etc."  Do you notice a trend with his words?  :)

All in all life is very good and we are grateful for how God is growing our family.

Big Breakthrough

Today was a great day.  We have tried and tried to get Benjamin to talk to us when he is upset so we will know what is going on and can try to help.  Today, I could hear him getting frustrated/angry in the next room so I waited to see how he would handle it.  Within seconds, he came to find me and on the verge of tears told me with jumbled, yet intelligible words, what was happening.  I was able to tell him I would take care of it and told him how proud I was of him for talking to me.  It was an easy situation to resolve, no tears were shed, and he seemed quite proud of himself.  I am so happy to see him learning new techniques for dealing with his frustrations.  To me, this was huge!  I am an awfully proud mama today of our little man.  He is a special guy.

I was making a grocery list today and Benjamin realized what I was doing.  He started listing off items left and right, in English, that we need/want.  As far as food goes, his English is great!  He really, really likes to eat.

During our school today, Benjamin was smiling and humming as he did his work.  The picture of happiness.  Carlie asked him if he likes school.  His first reaction was to frown and say noooo.  Then we pointed out to him that he was doing school and a slow grin spread over his face.  He does like school....  :)

It is very interesting to me how he has begun to push away all things Ukrainian and Russian (except for food!).  He does not want to speak to people in Russian.  At a doctor's visit yesterday, the doctor had arranged for a translator to be at our appointment so she could communicate with him.  And at church on Sunday some people tried to speak to him in Russian.  Both times, he refused to talk to them until they talked to him in English.  Then when we try to play Mega Mind for him in Russian, he will tell us, "No, English."  He is pushing that away.  Yet when he plays Just Dance on the Wii, he inevitable goes to Rasputin.  It is in English yet is clearly a Russian song, a Russian dance, and has a Russian Orthodox church in the background.  I think subconsciously he connects with it.  So very interesting.

At night, we read to Jocelyn and Ellie Grace before they go to bed.  Until now, Benjamin has had no interest in joining us.  We always offer but he has always said no to joining us.  We have not pushed but all of us love to read and we would really like for him to share in that love.  Yesterday, Jocelyn had her speech therapy appointment and we always read while we wait on her therapist.  Benjamin was with us and worked his way into the story time.  Then tonight, he snuggled right in and listened as we read.  It is the little things like that make me so happy.  Tomorrow, we will be going to the book store to let him choose a couple of books of his own.

Somehow, we have absolutely no idea how, Benjamin had picked up saying, "Oh my gosh."  We have always discouraged our kids from saying that so we had a talk about how we do not say that but instead we say, "Oh my goodness" and that a friend says, "Oh my stars."  We told him he could say either or come up with something on his own.  It is wonderful how we can tell him something one time and it is done.  Period.  His new favorite saying is, "Oh my goodness."  I so wish I could type that with his Ukrainian accent.  It.  Is.  Precious.  I love it.

In other news, Scott and I renewed our foster care license today and are looking forward to what the year will bring.  We, once again, heard stories that hurt our hearts and we desperately wish we could provide a home and a family for all the hurt children out there.  If you are considering foster care or adoption, I would encourage you to get going!