On a Lighter Note

In addition to some heavy stuff over the past few weeks, which I blogged about a few days ago, we have also had some fun.  The kids loved dyeing eggs and hunting them.

And today we had a great time at 200 Million Flowers' 5K for the Fatherless.  The kids all did the one mile fun run, jumped in the bouncy house, and just enjoyed themselves.  There were some great volunteers there (thanks Alex and Kasy!) who watched the baby while we tried to manage the other kids.  Carlie and her boyfriend, Ethan, did the run with the kids so we could take pictures and cheer them on.

One of our new girls is also 7 years old (like Jocelyn) and they are inseparable.  Hence, no pictures of Jocelyn that we can post.

I was talking to a friend on our way out and so fell behind a little  As I caught up, it was a great opportunity to get a shot of our family.....all 10 of them.

After the race, we took everyone to Krispy Kreme as a treat.  It was a first for 5 of them and was fun to watch them watch the donuts being made.   The kids are all outside playing in the sprinkler while Carlie and Ethan do some yard work for us.  They have offered to keep the kids tonight so we can go out for some much needed kid-free time.  Big kids are the greatest!

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders

We debated about whether to talk publicly about FASD and decided if it were any other disability, we would not hesitate talking about it.  I for one would love to find other blogs discussing it.  It will be, after all, a factor for the rest of our lives.

Most people with FASD will never lead completely independent lives.  Many adults can not function without very close supervision.  Most people with it are developmentally 1/2 of their chronological age.   They have frontal lobe brain damage.

As it turns out, 3 of our 3 adopted children, have FASD.  We have suspected it in Jocelyn for a while, and now we know that all three of our precious littles have been affected by prenatal alcohol exposure.  They did not do a thing - they did nothing to bring it on themselves.  It is completely a decision made by others.  Yet it is something they will live with for the rest of their lives. The more I learn about it, the more my heart breaks for them.  I am participating in an 8 week webinar on FASD and learning so much.  We once thought it was so precious that our 5 month old biracial baby (caucasian/aa) had Asian eyes.  Now we know it was a sign of FASD.  We thought our 4 year old's precious lips were so beautiful....another sign of FASD.  Their precious faces - telling us of issues to come.  We hear, "They will be seen as being a problem rather than having a problem."  Our hearts break.  It is a disability unseen.  They are not blind.  They are not deaf.  There is no wheel chair.  Their brains are impaired...plain and simple.  It is not a matter of they 'will not.'  They 'can not.'  So many possible diagnoses that now all flow back to FASD.  So many years of searching for answers and now we are finally seeing some answers that make so much sense.

An example of raising a child with FASD that we were given:  if a blind child is beaten for not reading the blackboard...then the child still can not read the blackboard and now is angry and bitter and confused and will act out.  That is how a child with FASD feels when we have expectations of them like we would a 'normal' child.  We are totally revamping our parenting style, altering our expectations,  and still have so much to learn.

FASD is the leading cause of developmental delays in the western world.  Yet about 90% of cases are not diagnosed.  We need to raise awareness.  I think the stats say that 80% of women drink alcohol and about 25% of pregnancies are unplanned.  So many, many more children are affected than their mother's ever admit to drinking during their pregnancies.

It would be easy to give in to the hopelessness of the situation, but we remember that God is in control. He loves our children even more than we do.  "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah 29:11.  This is my prayer for our children.

5 Weeks In

We are still hanging on.  Just when we think we can not continue with this placement, someone steps forward with just the encouragement that we need to keep us going.  Our sweet friend Jessi has brought us meals and games and treats for the kids.  Thoughtful things like cookies to decorate and an Easter book and detergent.  Another friend, Jamie, has come over to help out with the kids.  A church, North Ridge Church in Jackson, sent a team Sunday to mow our yard and clean our house.  We leave for church with everything being a wreck, and come home to everything being spotless.  They even did some laundry!  It was amazing.  And 5 weeks in, we have yet to have to buy diapers for the baby.  Our friend, Paula, bought Easter shoes for all of the girls and clothes for the kids.  Our friend, Jane, helped with the birthday party for one of the girls.  Someone at church on Sunday, whom I do not even know, came up to me with a check to help offset the expenses that come with 5 extra kids.  I can not begin to list everything that God's church is doing to help with these kids.  We are so very grateful and moved.  It just blows us away.  We truly have a community pitching in to help with the kids - and it is not going unnoticed by the girls.  Even though they are kids, they are asking why people care and why people are helping us.  It has made for some great conversations about God's love.  Having 8 kids in the house is very challenging and having 8 kids in the house who have experienced loss and trauma is the hardest thing we have ever done.  Most days, this is how Scott and I feel at the end of the day.  But you are all making it doable.

Sweet Jocelyn is loving having new friends, but is exhausted after a day of play!

Some things are getting easier.  Like one of the girls is playing basketball.  I wish I could show clips of her on the court.  Her face is pure happiness the entire time, not something we see in her in other situations.  Then another one, who refused to even help fold clothes 5 weeks ago, helped clean her room, dusted, swept, mopped, and helped serve a meal to the other children all just this past weekend.  A huge turn around.  Another is slowly learning kindness and manners.  Another gave me a quick peck on the cheek tonight - a first for her to initiate affection.  Another sang along with the music in church for the first time.  Beneath it all is still hurt, and we continue to pray for healing for all of them.

Benjamin has had a few hard days.  Things we are slowly working through but still it is hard to see him struggle with new feelings and restrictions.  Most days, he continues to be a joy.  Today I found him sitting on his bike in the driveway.  I asked what he was doing and he said he was waiting on the girls to get home from school.  Even though it is chaotic with them here, he is enjoying them being around.

Jocelyn is learning a great deal about interacting with her peers, something she has not had much experience with so far.  I think it is a period of growth and learning for her.  We have an appointment with a geneticist tomorrow to start getting to the root of some of her issues.  We could all use some prayer covering our Jocelyn.

Ellie Grace has come a long way in learning to share in the past 5 weeks.  In the beginning, she spent a great deal of time in tears and now, rarely cries over someone playing with her things.  She is so secure with her place in our family - there are no doubts in her mind where she belongs.

We can not all fit into either of our vehicles so we have been taking two whenever we all go somewhere.  This past weekend, we all went (together for the first time thanks to our church loaning us the church van) to a picnic and Easter egg hunt put on by Bethany Christian Services for adoptive and foster families.  The kids all had a great time.  They had their faces painted, rode horses (over and over!), hunted eggs, and had a great lunch.  I wish I could post pictures but there are strict rules about not posting photographs of foster children in order to protect their privacy.  If I could, they would guarantee to make you smile.  :)

So here are a few of the kids we can post pics of:


Ellie Grace having fun in the puddles after all the rain we have had.

Jocelyn with her Ali Kat on her spring break.

Benjamin has mastered his bicycle and absolutely loves it.

Thanks to all of you for being our support network.  Without you, we would have thrown in the towel by now.  We appreciate all of your prayers and the meals and your love and the paper products!

One more that I can not resist posting...

 God's light is shining brightly through you.