Happy New Years!

As we begin the new year, I am taking some time to reflect on this past year and all that we have to be grateful for in our family.  Benjamin gained a family, we gained a new son, I am alive, all the big kids are doing well, and Jocelyn and Ellie Grace are thriving.  Also, Scott had a procedure on Monday, spent one night in the hospital, and is doing much better than expected.

Benjamin is continuing to do well adjusting to his new life with us.  He has much to learn, as do we, but he is transitioning so much better than we expected.  What a blessing!  He has a great sense of humor, is very open to learning in his school work, really desires to please, and truly loves being a part of a family.  He told me a few days ago, "Papa work.  Mama doma (home) with Benjamin.  Thank you, Mama."  How sweet is that?!  His English is continuing to improve (He has learned 'too loud' and 'gentle' thankfully as he can get loud and boisterous!) and he is so happy most of the time.  He does have periods of sadness - which is to be expected considering all the loss in his life.  That is something we just have to work through with time.  He is very affectionate and loves having the bigs home for Christmas break.

We are loving having a new son and having a boy in the house again.  It is eye opening for the older girls to see how differently a boy acts and the things he finds funny.  They do not get his bathroom humor at all!  And he finds it very funny how grossed out they get.  So the cycle just continues.  :)   It is very amusing for Scott and me to watch.

I feel better than I have in 2 years - since my diagnosis.  Two Christmases ago, I remember vividly wondering if I would ever get to spend another Christmas season with my family.  It was a great motivator to go with the most aggressive surgery and treatment possible.  The treatment left me exhausted and sick for almost a year and has taken months to start feeling like myself again.  I feel very blessed to still be here and grateful for each and every day.  Being slapped in the face with the possibility of dying has given me a new desire to live my life with purpose and not waste my time on frivolous things.

The bigs are all doing so well and we are so proud of each of them.  They all love God and I can see He has big plans for their lives.  They are all doing well in school and it looks like we will have three graduating next year!  And one getting married!!  A very big year in the life of the bigs.

Jocelyn and Ellie Grace are doing well home schooling.  They feel secure with their place in the family and they know they are loved.  Learning to share their toys with a new member of the family is a challenge at times but what a great growing experience!  We try to give them some time one-on-one to ease them into having a new brother and so far, it is going well.

I spent the night in the hospital with Scott last night and through the day yesterday and then the night, we saw many different nurses.  All of them were great but only one of them asked us about our life and we mentioned that we had just adopted Benjamin from Ukraine.  At the moment, we know four families (all from different states in the U.S.) who are in Ukraine adopting or in between their SDA referral appointment and court date.  So we know of four children being adopted right now from Ukraine.  And this nurse knows one of those kids....really.  It should not, but always amazes me how God puts specific people in our path.  Last night,  I dreamed about the kids we met and got to know in the orphanage.  They are in my thoughts daily.  If God made the way, we would go back tomorrow!

Goodness - so much to be grateful for this year.  And we are looking forward to the new year and discovering all that God has planned for our family.



Our first Sunday back at church as a family of 10.  Benjamin handled it well and even pointed out people to me that he recognized as they came in.  He was not interested in talking to people but it was a good first Sunday.

The bigs took the littles to Chick Fil A and Frozen today so Scott and I could sleep.  You can not beat having older kids!!  (We were exhausted after a night in the hospital.)

The cousins (or some of them anyway) touring a boat in Vicksburg the day after Christmas.  What a crew!

After the tour, we went to a Mexican restaurant for lunch.  Benjamin ate some chips and salsa and then looked at me and said, "Hot!"  But he kept right on eating them.  He also chowed down on his rice and burrito.  He continues to amaze us at the variety of foods he likes.

Happy New Years to all of you.  I hope you have a wonderful year and find many things to be grateful for this coming year.


"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:11 - 13

Christmas, 2013

It is so hard to find time to sit down and blog since we have gotten home!  Right now we have 10 of us living in the house so there is always something going on around here.  Today, however, I am sitting and waiting, all on my own, just me and my computer so I thought I would take this chance to catch up on how we are doing.
Christmas was so much fun for all of us this year.  It was Benjamin's first Christmas in the United States, his first visit from Santa, his first time to wake up in anticipation of celebrating Christ's birth with his very own family.  He certainly did not understand everything but I hope it laid the groundwork for our future Christmas seasons.  We woke up early and opened gifts which all the kids really enjoyed.  Then we went to Vicksburg to celebrate with our family.  It was the first visit to my parents' house for Benjamin and his first chance to spend time with my entire side of the family at once.  He seemed to go with the flow and had a great time.  The cousins (9 younger ones including Carlie) all played outside and ran in the woods and just enjoyed each other.  We could not have asked for a better extended family visit for Benjamin.  Jocelyn and Ellie Grace, as always, had a great time!

Benjamin continues to do well.  The language barrier does cause some confusion and mis-communications but we are working through those.  He loves having all the kids home and having fun stuff going on around the house.  They will start trickling back to school at the end of the week and we are praying that will not be too hard on him to see them go.  God has truly blessed our family.

Quick Little Update

I thought I would post a really quick update.  I got home from Houston last night and all of my scans and reports are good!  No evidence of disease...NED....words I love to hear.  Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
Benjamin has had several firsts in the past few days.  He had his first trip to Chick Fil A - which was a huge hit.  Except for the fries which just confused him!

He got his first bicycle from a family at our church (thank you Sarah Malone).  He is so excited about it and said, "Thank you thank you Benjamin bicycle."  When I got home, it was the first thing he showed me and told me about.  We went to the park today and worked on him riding it and I think he will get it in no time.

Then today, he had his first tooth extracted or really, some roots extracted.  When one of his baby teeth came out, it broke off and left the roots and they needed to come out.  He was a trooper about it and enjoyed getting to go out for ice cream afterwards.

Jocelyn and Ellie Grace continue to do well with Benjamin.  They hug him more than he likes and they sing all the time, which is more than he likes, but overall they are getting along well.

Prissy, prissy girls!

 

And of course, some silly faces.

December 15, 2013

This blog is primarily about our adoption journey but it is also about our life.  And today is a big day. Two years ago today, I got a call from my surgeon who had removed a simple little cyst two days previously, telling me that I had cancer and that it was not good.  It was a life changing day.  Today I have been at MD Anderson going through tests, bloodwork, and scans to see if they can find any signs of cancer.  I will find out tomorrow.  If they find nothing, it will be a big day because it will mark 2 years cancer free.  If not, then life changes again.

But it is also a big day because before I left Pishana, Vitalik told me he was convinced that he was being hosted again and he was so excited about it.  He was convinced that he would leave on December 15 so he has been on my mind all day.  I hurt for him and for his disappointment.  He is not being hosted again this year and it has to be crushing for him to realize that.  Our little guy in Pishana is feeling the blow of disappointment once again and it is hard being powerless to help him.  Even though he rejected us as his parents, I feel a connection and a love for him and it is hard to know he is hurting.

However, in the midst of this fear, anxiety, and hurt, we rejoice in how Sasha/Benjamin is doing.  It has been five weeks since I picked him up from the orphanage and two weeks home.  He has declared himself to be Benjamin and corrects us when we call him Sasha now.  When we adopted him, we renamed him Benjamin Alexander Selman.  In Ukraine, Sasha is a nickname for Alexander and Alexandra.  It is a very common name there for boys and girls.  We kept Alexander and with his help, added Benjamin as his first name.  For over two years, we have referred to him as Sasha.  But a few days ago, he declared himself as Benjamin.  We are trying our best to respect what he wants and call him Benjamin now.  It is just precious how here and there he will pause in whatever we are doing and put his hands on his chest and say, "Selman."  He truly loves being a part of a family now and is very proud.  I could have never expected his transition to be as smooth as it has been.  Of course, there are bumps....he has never been in a family so everything is new to him like our rules and expectations.  But he is so happy and so willing to learn that he is just a complete joy.  We fully intended to bring him to Houston with us since he really does not know his older siblings (except for Ali and she was out of town).  But when Carlie and Emileigh got home  on Friday from school, he immediately was talking with them and was completely comfortable with them.  I would love to be able to understand how that is happening since he is clearly reserved and uncomfortable when people come to visit.  He just seems to know they are family and he loves them immediately without reservation.  We did take pictures to him in Ukraine of our family and we did face time with them some while we were in Ukraine, but I can not imagine that laid the groundwork with what is happening with him right now with his older siblings.  I love it and it is a beautiful picture.  So, we did let him stay in Brandon instead of bringing him with us to endure two days of doctor appointments with us.  And, clearly, he is having a great time.  We are so very grateful for how well Benjamin is doing and for how happy he seems to be.

Also, a source of great happiness for our family, Collin proposed to his beautiful - inside and out- girlfriend yesterday and she said yes!  So we will have a new addition to our family next year and we could not be happier.  He could not have found a more perfect young lady to be his wife and we are so proud of both of them.

A Day in the Yard

Sasha continues to be a joyful addition to our family.  He seems to love being a part of a family, loves our food, loves our animals, and loves affection.  We are currently spending most of our time at home and letting him ease into our family life.  We have had a few visitors and he is quick to give them hugs but does not talk to them much.  Once he is comfortable around someone, he does not stop talking though!  He has spent some time building with Lincoln Logs and Legos, playing on Jocelyn's bicycle,  helping cook meals, and driving the electric cars in the back yard.  We did our first day of school today and he is a quick learner.  I do not think he will have any trouble catching up quickly.  Then we went for a drive and I showed him our church.  I am thinking about taking him up tomorrow and walking through it with him to let him get his bearings.  This afternoon I went outside to rake some leaves and before I knew it, all the kids were out there helping.  It turned into a lot of fun and we got so much accomplished!  At one point, as we were working, Sasha said, "Papa no work, Papa no eat."  He definitely keeps track of who is working and who is not!  He is so funny.  I am not sure how to explain to him that Papa is working so we have a yard to rake!  As a treat, we headed to Sonic for ice cream.  Turns out though, Sasha only wanted a sprite as a reward for his hard work.


I had been letting Sasha sleep in warm up pants and a thermal shirt.  He had noticed that the girls sleep in pajamas (I did not know if 11 year old boys would want pj's still or not) and when we were shopping for a pair of jeans that would fit him, he looked at me and said, "Sasha pajamas?"  How could we refuse?!  He chose angry bird pj's and tiger feet house shoes.  :)  I love that he will ask for what he wants but what he wants are always simple things.  He is such a precious boy.  He spent the first two nights sleeping on a pallet on our bedroom floor.  Then the next night he said he wanted to sleep in his room upstairs and he did.  (He has never slept in a room alone.)  The next day, he told us when he went to bed that he had played his DS and who knows how long he stayed up playing.  So last night Scott told him he was setting a timer for 30 minutes and he could play his DS until the timer went off.  Scott planned to go up and take the DS at that point so Sasha could go on to sleep.  Well, Scott got busy and did not go back up right at the 30 minute mark and before we knew it, Sasha had come down and handed the DS to Scott.  Then he went back upstair and went to sleep.  Such a sweet boy.  Truly no discipline issues so far.  He takes it all in when we are reprimanding Jocelyn and Ellie about something and quickly falls into line with what we are telling them.  It just touches my heart how happy he seems to finally be a part of a family.

Ellie Grace hard at work....raking the leaves OUT of the pile!  (Can you tell she is going through a pink phase?!)

Jocelyn and Sasha working hard with our fire burning in the background.

The mighty leaf rakers after a successful afternoon.

This deck, table, and chairs were all blanketed in leaves.  The little girls took care of it completely on their own!  They did an awesome job.

We were still outside when Scott got home from work and Sasha ran to him yelling, "Papa, Daddy!"  He threw his arms around him and was so happy to see him.  It is a beautiful thing to see how happy he seems but it is so hard to think about all the kids we left behind who can not say that yet.  Anyone have an extra bedroom and some extra love?

Home

We have been home for 2 days now.  It has been a really good two days....for the most part.  We were praying for everything to work out for us to come home on Saturday and God paved the way.  We left our apartment in Kiev at 7:00 Saturday morning and arrived in Jackson at 12:00 midnight.  With the time changes, we traveled for 25 hours total.  Sasha slept about 2 of those hours!  But we were so excited to make it home for several reasons.  One is the tension in Kiev seems to be increasing over some political issues.  There are relatively peaceful protestors in the city but the police seem to be increasingly aggressive in trying to stop the protests.  Over the weekend, there have been reports of the protestors increasing up to 500,000 people in the central area of Kiev, where we had been staying.  I was just hoping and praying to go ahead and get out of there in case things got worse.  This scene is literally blocks from where we were staying.

Another reason we were anxious to get on home was that our other three children who are in college, were home for Thanksgiving and if we got in Saturday night, I would get to see them Sunday before they headed back to school and Sasha could meet the rest of his siblings.  And it all worked out.  :)

Our first family photo!  Some of us were still in jammies, and some of us were in play clothes, but I do not care.  We were all here and for that I am so very grateful!  Oh, and Collin's precious girlfriend was here too...and added bonus.  Sasha is very timid with new people but he seemed very comfortable and happy with all of them.  Of course, we have looked at hundreds of pictures and videos of them and have face timed with them many times so perhaps he felt like he knew them already.

An added perk was that my parents came to lunch Sunday so Sasha got to meet his grandparents too.  He immediately went to them and hugged both of them.  I think he is so happy to have a family!

Sasha had a great time checking out our house and our yard and playing with Jocelyn and Ellie.  He seems very happy.  Then today, Jocelyn and Ellie had their 6-month dental cleanings so we all went.  Sasha got to check the place out and see that J and E came out with goodie bags.  I made him an appointment for next Monday - should be lots of fun!  (insert sarcasm here)  I am anticipating his teeth needing a great deal of work.  After that, we headed to get his hair cut.  At the orphanage, I think, when they cut hair they usually just buzzed the boys hair.  So Sasha kept saying no when I told him that is what we were doing.  But he got to watch Scott get his cut first and saw that he just got it trimmed.  He then happily climbed into the chair and let her trim his hair too.  It looks sooooo much better and he was happy.  Win win.

We then went and found him some shoes that actually fit and a pair of jeans that come close to fitting - he is so skinny!!!  By that point, he was asking to go to 'doma' (home).  He and Jocelyn and Ellie played and played in the back yard.  My concerns about having to tear him away from his electronics was unfounded.  He loves being outside playing with the girls.  He truly seems so happy and carefree.  Such an incredible addition to our family.  He is continually popping out with new English words and today, after only a little over a day with the other kids, started saying Daddy instead of Papa when talking about Scott.  He seems to be an incredible adaptable and smart little man!

Our two days home have been full of fun but have also had some spots of sadness and distress as well.  My dad was diagnosed with melanoma while I was gone and broke the news to me yesterday while he was over visiting.  He will be going to MD Anderson in the next couple of weeks for a complete work up to find out the severity of the cancer and to find out what treatment will be required.  I am praying that it has not spread at all and that he will not be subjected to the treatment I just finished in February.  Please keep him in your prayers.  Then Caroline (aka Carlie), our 19 year old, had a pretty bad car accident on her way back to Mississippi State on Sunday night.  She is sore and achy and has a knot on her head today but otherwise is ok.  Her car....not so much.  We are so very grateful that she and the others involved were not seriously injured.  It has been a roller coaster of emotions but through it all, we have faith in God and know that all things work together for His good.

We have moved, I think, 14 times in the 10 weeks I have been here.  Now, in what I think is our last apartment, I am still adjusting to the changes that come with each move.  Here is a picture of our 'kitchen' in this apartment.

The microwave is quite unusual here but we have had one in one other apartment.  This is the first time we have not had an oven though.  And the first time the cook top has not been gas.  You can spot two little electric eyes to the far left.  And this really is the entirety of the kitchen.  There is one pot and one skillet but no cooking utensils.  There is a small refrigerator stuck in another room.  We are eating boiled eggs for breakfasts, eating lunch out, and making sandwiches and vereniky for supper.   So far, Sasha does not seem to mind.

Then there is the washing machine.  We were warned about the small washers but really they have all been fine.  There have only been, at most, 3 of us at any one time so keeping up with laundry in small washers has not been an issue.  And then we moved here....

The depth of this washer is about 7 - 8 inches.  Really, one set of clothes fills it up.  Good thing we will not be here long (we hope and pray)!  And of course we have the requisite drying rack (because there are no clothes dryers).  I have been surprised by how well clothes dry on them though.  Emileigh gave Sasha a virtual tour of our house a few days ago and when she got to the laundry room, he was perplexed that we have 2 washing machines.  How do you explain a clothes dryer to someone who has never seen one and does not speak your language?!  Have not figured out that one yet.

This apartment is also the first that has had a flat screen tv and the first to have 2 tv's.  It is also the first loft-style apartment we have found.  And the first to have not 1 bathroom, but 1 1/2 bathrooms.

Every step of the way, we have made adjustments and can say we have enjoyed (almost) all of them!  What an experience this has been.

Yesterday, we had one of our most memorable Thanksgiving days yet.  We were invited to a home of an American family who live just outside of Kiev.  There were many other Americans included who all had great stories of how they came to live here.  An added perk was that most of them could speak Russian as well as English so they could communicate easily with Sasha.  He enjoyed their dog and their 10 year old son....and the food.  There really is not much that he does not like to eat yet!  The food and the fellowship were great.  It was a wonderful day and a great way to spend our day of thankfulness.

Sasha absolutely is intrigued with maps.  He quickly noticed our cab drivers have gps maps on their iPhones and that he does not on his iTouch (which he thinks is a phone).

He also loved the dog of our Thanksgiving host family.  She is a cocker-doodle.  A serious breed consideration for our next dog!  Chewy was so cute.  And her hair color matched Sasha's!

A big game of Rulers of Catan.  Ali had fun visiting with others beside her mom!

There was another boy, close to Sasha's age, that he enjoyed hanging out with for the day.

Our apartment building is built in a rectangle with a parking courtyard in the middle of the buildings.  So out our back door on the balcony, we can see into this office.  We think their inspirational poster is pretty funny and one of the few signs we have seen that is in English.  Perhaps it is a message for us?

Great Day

It has been such a great day!  We had a quick breakfast in our apartment and then headed out for the day.  We walked and showed Sasha several things in Kiev that he had not yet seen like the Opera House, several of the beautiful Russian Orthodox churches, and the SDA, where by the way, we just happened to pick up his baby picture from his file!!!!!  I am so happy they agreed to give it to us.  His face when I showed it to him was just priceless.  Mary, the SDA worker with whom we had our referral appointment back in September, brought it out to me.  She had an appointment waiting on her, a couple from Minnesota, but they all waited to see what Sasha's reaction was.  It was such a great moment.  He smiled from ear to ear and hugged me so tight.  He even had his first, Sasha-initiated hug with Ali.  So here it is.....

He was happy that he looks like Scott with his hair.  :)  He has still not stopped talking about 'Sasha baby.'  We have loaded this pic of his pic onto his iPod touch and he set it as his background.  Then he wanted to see it on my phone and Ali's phone.  He is so very proud.

That really was the highlight of our day....made me cry to get such a treasure.

There are lots of souvenir stalls around the SDA and it is the first time I have let Sasha pick out a few things.  No soccer jerseys or beanies or Ukrainian flags - which I thought he might want.  The boy has his own mind about things.  A few of the vendors tried to convince him to get several 'boy' things but he would wrinkle his nose and shake his head.  I had told him that he could choose one thing and he was holding firm.  Then he spotted some watches.  He looked and looked and finally chose one.  He is so happy with his new watch!  Then we picked out a few other things for his siblings which he seemed to enjoy.  We ate lunch at an Italian place that was so incredibly good.  Sasha got some vegetable soup that really was the best soup I have ever tasted.  Ali had her stand by of spaghetti and I had some delicious cheese-filled ravioli.  It was such a great meal and of course, we pulled out Sasha's pic and talked and smiled about it some more.  By this time we had walked about an hour away from our apartment so we decided we should start heading back.  About fifteen minutes into our walk, Sasha suddenly says, "Bathroom!"  We kept walking, watching for a public restroom or anything.  Then he started doing what we call the potty dance.  We stopped at the first restaurant we saw at that point.  I figured we could have some coffee or something and he could use their restroom.  Well it ended up being a much swankier place than we have visited since we have been here.  We had to stop and check our coats even.  We did order some coffee and Sasha wanted some ice cream so of course, Ali and I had to get some dessert as well.  I have never had dessert served like this:

The top picture is my cheesecake made to look like a mushroom on the forrest floor.  Everything on the plate was edible.  And it was delicious.  The bottom pic is Ali's chocolate cake filled with apricot filling.  They were such beautiful desserts.  We had put our souvenir bags on the floor between our chairs.  The server promptly brought over a folding stool and proceeded to put our bags on it.  And Sasha was intrigued with the pepper grinder....on the nice white tablecloth.  I know they were ready for us to get out of there!  It was an expensive bathroom break but ended up being a great treat to top off a great day.

Ali doing what Ali does best.  :)

A requisite church pic.

Sasha on the all-too-familiar-to-some-of-you SDA couch.  We were waiting and praying for the pic.

Sasha and me at Oliva's, the Italian restaurant.

Ali and Sasha at Oliva's.

Sorry, I can't help but to put one more up!

Hope your day has been as great as ours!  Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!!!