Adopted

I got a letter (yes, pen to paper, snail mail!) this week from one of our bigs in Arkansas and with her permission, am copying part of it here.  I thought it was so sweet and touching and I wanted to share.

"Adoption is something that is very close to my heart.  Partly because adoption has added to and enhanced our family so much, and partly because I have been adopted into God's family through grace. Through foster care and adoption I have come to see a clearer picture of what it means to be adopted by God.  God adopted me into His family knowing that I have flaws and that I will never be the perfect child while I am still on Earth.  He loves me anyway, and still wants me to be His, knowing full well my many flaws and short comings.  I am so grateful that He loves me even though I do not always return that love and I often turn away from Him.  He always welcomes me back, because He loves me not for what I can do for Him, but just because I am His."

I love my big kids so very much and am so very proud of the people they are becoming.  I do not know why God has graced us so much but I am so very grateful!

Fundraisers

I mentioned in our last blog post that fundraisers were coming.  There are several different avenues we are going to try:

• The donate button on our blog allows anyone to donate via PayPal.
• Our church, Meadow Grove Baptist, has a fund set up for our adoption to allow anyone to donate through them.  The address is 3221 Louis Wilson Drive, Brandon, MS  39042.  The check needs to be clearly marked to go towards our adoption.  However, this will not be tax-deductible as adoptions are exempt from tax-deductible status.
• We will be having a garage sale in April and are taking donations for items to sell.  We are happy to pick up anything you want to clean out (in the Jackson area) and donate for the sale.
• We are working on adoption t-shirts and will post more on that when we have the design nailed down.
• I am also making jewelry.  Below are pictures of some earrings I have made over the past few weeks.  The metal is sterling silver.  Some of the earrings I will be able to duplicate and some are very limited in how many I will have in the same design.  So if there are any you like, order quickly!  All earrings are $15 plus $2 if shipping is required.  To pay:
• use the donate button on the blog.  Just be sure to email me at psselman@hotmail.com to let me know which design you want.
• personal check.  Again, email me to let me know which design you want so I can hold them for you.  
• find me in person.  

The Basics of Adopting (from Ukraine)

Over the past week I have had many questions from friends and families. I decided it would be a good idea to just have a post answering some of the most common questions - to the best of my ability.

Are the boys brothers? No, they are not brothers...yet. They were born exactly 8 months apart, have grown up together and are very good friends. 

Will we have to pick them up? Yes, we will go to Ukraine to pick them up. But it is not as simple as that. Once in Ukraine, we will have appointments, visits with the boys, and court to finalize the adoptions. We will be there a minimum of 5 weeks and potentially up to 8 weeks.  Our goal is to be in Ukraine this summer to bring the boys home.  

How long is the process to adopt from Ukraine? We have been told it takes 6 - 9 months. Really praying for the 6 months! 

What is a home study? A home study is a screening of the home and life of prospective adoptive parents prior to allowing an adoption to take place. Our entire family has had physicals, fingerprinting, background checks, and on and on. Even had to provide proof that our dogs are up to date on their shots! An average home study takes about 3 - 4 months to complete. We are within 2 weeks (we think) of completing ours. 

  

Then what happens? Once we have our home study in hand, we will file I-600's for each boy. This is a petition to classify an orphan as an immediate relative which will allow Sasha and Vitalik to enter the U.S. This will take approximately 2 months to process. During this time, we will be getting forms required by the Ukrainian government to our facilitator in Ukraine. He is busy handling everything on that end for us and answering our endless questions. Once we are in the country, he will go with us to appointments and will translate for us. Basically, he will hold our hand through the process in Ukraine. Thank goodness! 

What is the cost of adoption from Ukraine? This is a tricky question. You can choose to go through an agency or adopt independently. Adopting independently a single child or a sibling group usually costs approximately $25,000. If you choose to go through an agency, we understand the cost approximately doubles. We are doing an independent adoption, but the boys are not siblings. So, from what we understand, it will cost approximately $35,000. Hence, the upcoming fund raisers! 

Will 8 be enough? We feel like as long as we are physically able and there is an empty bed in our house, we are willing to accept children into our home. We are keeping our foster care license up to date to keep that available as an option as well. So, no, we are not limiting our family. If God calls us to more, we are willing since we want to live our lives in His will. 

We are always happy to answer questions about foster care and adoption. Never hesitate to ask! And if we do not know the answer, I have great resources where we can get answers. (Thanks Leslie for always being willing to answer mine. :) )

3 Year Anniversary

Three years ago today, we picked up our little girls.  It was by far the craziest, saddest, and most exciting day all at once that we had ever experienced.  Five days previously, Ellie Grace was born and we got the call asking us if we would consider taking her and Jocelyn.  We told them to let us have a day to talk and pray about it.  They told us they were talking to some other families about taking them as well and they would get back to us.  The next day we had decided to say yes if they still needed us, but we awoke to snow and all the state offices were closed.  No news.  Then it was the weekend.  No news.  Then Monday was a holiday and all the state offices were closed.  No news.  So all this time we do not know if they have another family lined up already or if we should be preparing.  We chose to wait.  hahaha  On Tuesday morning, we got the call asking us to come to the hospital where Ellie was still and meet with her doctor and her social worker before we decided for sure.  We picked up an infant car seat just in case and off we went.  We left the big kids at home putting together their old crib and those were literally the only two items we had.  We got to the hospital and met EG, held her, rocked her, fed her, and changed her.  She was absolutely perfect!  After a long consultation with her team, we just walked out of the hospital with her.  It was all so surreal to us.  With this tiny 5 day old baby girl, we went to Target to get necessities, you know, like bottles, formula, diapers, clothes, blankets, pacifiers, Dreft, etc.  We truly looked like the most unprepared parents ever!  We knew we would be picking up Jocelyn from her social worker in a couple of hours so we were able to get a car seat for her, a few toys, a toothbrush, and some clothes as well.  Then we went to meet the social worker and laid eyes on our second child of the day.  When I think back to her that day, it just breaks my heart.  Her big, scared eyes, not understanding what was happening to her world.  I have come to understand that with every adoption comes a story of trauma.  And this day, hers was coming to a head.  She just stood there, with her few belongings in a single Wal Mart bag.  The social worker told her she was going for a ride with these nice people.  More heart break.  How do you begin to explain to a 3 year old what is happening to her world?  Her shoes were much too small and she had no weather-appropriate clothes in her bag (we found out later from our social worker that Jocelyn had to pack her own bag), so back to the store we went for pj's, socks, shoes, and underwear.  Then we met our big kids for supper and then home....completely exhausted and emotionally drained.  A few friends stopped by to say hello and then it was bed time.  Oh the tears.  Our hearts broke again for Jocelyn.  No matter what happens in a child's life, they love their mom.  She wanted her mom.  She had no idea why she had ended up in this strange place with these strange people.  We know now that it was the start of something beautiful for our family but at the time, it was so very hard.  People tell us that the girls are so lucky to have ended up with us.  But really, it is just the opposite.  Earlier this week, someone told me I am one lucky momma.  My heart breathed a sigh of relief.....someone gets it!  (thanks, Alisa!) We love our littles so very much.

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families..."  Psalm 68:5-6

P. S.   There is always a need for foster families.  There are about 500,000 children in the US foster care system and about 140,000 of those are immediately available for adoption.

Introducing Vitalik

And here is Vitalik (Vitaly to his new found friends in Ohio!)  When we first heard the story of Sasha and Vitalik, it was Vitalik who was always asking the missionary about when his family would come for him.  He is the more outgoing of the two and we believe that his hosting time here in the States has proved that to be true.  While it is good to know that the boys are back together, it is difficult to know that they do not know that their family is coming for them.  You can read more about Vitalik's time in the States at www.possibilityofmiracles.blogspot.com.

Introducing Sasha!

Here is Sasha.  From what we have been told, he is quiet, shy, and thoughtful.  This picture was taken by a missionary team last month that visited his orphanage.  We are so thankful for the people that have taken an interest in him and all of the orphans in the world.  And we are so ready to go meet him in person.

Adopting again

Well....we are adopting again.  Two precious boys who live in Ukraine.  They are 10 and 11 years old and they stole our hearts 15 months ago.  In December, 2011, we had started the process to adopt them just days before I got my diagnosis of stage 3 metastatic melanoma.  That was such a shock to us and we put the adoption on hold to give us time to get our bearings and to get me through my surgery and the 12 months of treatment.  In anticipation of me finishing up the treatment this month, we restarted the process a while ago.  We felt and still feel that God is calling us to adopt the boys and are stepping out in faith and welcoming the boys into our family.  We know many people will think we are crazy.  Melanoma is a scary and unpredictable cancer.  I know of people who have only lived for a few months after diagnosis and I know of people who are alive years after their diagnosis.  But, really, none of us knows how long we have on this earth.  We do know, if these boys are not adopted, that they will face a very bleak future.  For now, I am NED (no evidence of disease) and we feel like we are the family for them.  We do not know how it will all work out, but we do not have to know.  Please pray for us and for the boys as we move forward.

Now let me back us with our story for those of you who do not know us well.  Scott and I have been married for more than 20 years.  We have four biological kids, ages 18, 19, 20, and 24.  We homeschooled all of them and loved most every minute of it.  In 2009, Scott and I began to feel called to more than what we were doing.  We prayed and sought God's will and felt led to fostering children.  We have since decided God only gives you tidbits of His plan at a time, probably because we can not handle the entire picture all at once!  So our plan was to foster, loving and caring for the children until their families were prepared to take them back.  NO intentions of adopting and starting over!  In February, 2010, we got the call about Jocelyn and Ellie Grace.  They came to us at 3 1/2 years and 5 days old.  In July, 2012, we finalized their adoption.  They have truly been such a blessing to our family.

We are nervous and excited at the same time at the prospect of adding two more children...but mostly excited.  They will make 8 children for us, hence the name of the blog.  Pictures are coming - when I figure out this whole blogging thing.  Thanks for your prayers for us and for the boys.