We debated about whether to talk publicly about FASD and decided if it were any other disability, we would not hesitate talking about it. I for one would love to find other blogs discussing it. It will be, after all, a factor for the rest of our lives.
Most people with FASD will never lead completely independent lives. Many adults can not function without very close supervision. Most people with it are developmentally 1/2 of their chronological age. They have frontal lobe brain damage.
As it turns out, 3 of our 3 adopted children, have FASD. We have suspected it in Jocelyn for a while, and now we know that all three of our precious littles have been affected by prenatal alcohol exposure. They did not do a thing - they did nothing to bring it on themselves. It is completely a decision made by others. Yet it is something they will live with for the rest of their lives. The more I learn about it, the more my heart breaks for them. I am participating in an 8 week webinar on FASD and learning so much. We once thought it was so precious that our 5 month old biracial baby (caucasian/aa) had Asian eyes. Now we know it was a sign of FASD. We thought our 4 year old's precious lips were so beautiful....another sign of FASD. Their precious faces - telling us of issues to come. We hear, "They will be seen as being a problem rather than having a problem." Our hearts break. It is a disability unseen. They are not blind. They are not deaf. There is no wheel chair. Their brains are impaired...plain and simple. It is not a matter of they 'will not.' They 'can not.' So many possible diagnoses that now all flow back to FASD. So many years of searching for answers and now we are finally seeing some answers that make so much sense.
An example of raising a child with FASD that we were given: if a blind child is beaten for not reading the blackboard...then the child still can not read the blackboard and now is angry and bitter and confused and will act out. That is how a child with FASD feels when we have expectations of them like we would a 'normal' child. We are totally revamping our parenting style, altering our expectations, and still have so much to learn.
FASD is the leading cause of developmental delays in the western world. Yet about 90% of cases are not diagnosed. We need to raise awareness. I think the stats say that 80% of women drink alcohol and about 25% of pregnancies are unplanned. So many, many more children are affected than their mother's ever admit to drinking during their pregnancies.
It would be easy to give in to the hopelessness of the situation, but we remember that God is in control. He loves our children even more than we do. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11. This is my prayer for our children.
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