December 15, 2013

This blog is primarily about our adoption journey but it is also about our life.  And today is a big day. Two years ago today, I got a call from my surgeon who had removed a simple little cyst two days previously, telling me that I had cancer and that it was not good.  It was a life changing day.  Today I have been at MD Anderson going through tests, bloodwork, and scans to see if they can find any signs of cancer.  I will find out tomorrow.  If they find nothing, it will be a big day because it will mark 2 years cancer free.  If not, then life changes again.

But it is also a big day because before I left Pishana, Vitalik told me he was convinced that he was being hosted again and he was so excited about it.  He was convinced that he would leave on December 15 so he has been on my mind all day.  I hurt for him and for his disappointment.  He is not being hosted again this year and it has to be crushing for him to realize that.  Our little guy in Pishana is feeling the blow of disappointment once again and it is hard being powerless to help him.  Even though he rejected us as his parents, I feel a connection and a love for him and it is hard to know he is hurting.

However, in the midst of this fear, anxiety, and hurt, we rejoice in how Sasha/Benjamin is doing.  It has been five weeks since I picked him up from the orphanage and two weeks home.  He has declared himself to be Benjamin and corrects us when we call him Sasha now.  When we adopted him, we renamed him Benjamin Alexander Selman.  In Ukraine, Sasha is a nickname for Alexander and Alexandra.  It is a very common name there for boys and girls.  We kept Alexander and with his help, added Benjamin as his first name.  For over two years, we have referred to him as Sasha.  But a few days ago, he declared himself as Benjamin.  We are trying our best to respect what he wants and call him Benjamin now.  It is just precious how here and there he will pause in whatever we are doing and put his hands on his chest and say, "Selman."  He truly loves being a part of a family now and is very proud.  I could have never expected his transition to be as smooth as it has been.  Of course, there are bumps....he has never been in a family so everything is new to him like our rules and expectations.  But he is so happy and so willing to learn that he is just a complete joy.  We fully intended to bring him to Houston with us since he really does not know his older siblings (except for Ali and she was out of town).  But when Carlie and Emileigh got home  on Friday from school, he immediately was talking with them and was completely comfortable with them.  I would love to be able to understand how that is happening since he is clearly reserved and uncomfortable when people come to visit.  He just seems to know they are family and he loves them immediately without reservation.  We did take pictures to him in Ukraine of our family and we did face time with them some while we were in Ukraine, but I can not imagine that laid the groundwork with what is happening with him right now with his older siblings.  I love it and it is a beautiful picture.  So, we did let him stay in Brandon instead of bringing him with us to endure two days of doctor appointments with us.  And, clearly, he is having a great time.  We are so very grateful for how well Benjamin is doing and for how happy he seems to be.

Also, a source of great happiness for our family, Collin proposed to his beautiful - inside and out- girlfriend yesterday and she said yes!  So we will have a new addition to our family next year and we could not be happier.  He could not have found a more perfect young lady to be his wife and we are so proud of both of them.